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GFR THIRD-PARTY DISCLOSURE SERVICE · FORM GFR-17B

Report a Suspected Third-Party Gaseous Emission

Use this service if you believe another person may have produced a gaseous emission and failed to register it themselves.

IMPORTANT — FALSE ATTRIBUTION

Knowingly attributing your own gaseous emission to another person, animal, ventilation system, chair or unidentified atmospheric event may constitute Gaseous Attribution Fraud.

Malicious, retaliatory or knowingly false reports may be referred for compliance review under Registry Regulation GFR-44/9.

Before you begin

You should have a reasonable basis for believing the suspected person was responsible.

Suspicion based solely on reputation, previous emissions, dietary habits or the fact that “they looked guilty” may require additional evidence.

Suspected emitter
A full legal name is not required for this fictional service.
Does your relationship with this person involve an ongoing neighbour, workplace, family or property dispute?
The Registry will determine relevance.
What happened
Did you personally hear the suspected emission?
Did you personally detect an odour?
Did the suspected emitter deny responsibility?
Did the suspected emitter leave the area unusually quickly?
Was a window opened immediately afterwards?
Was an animal present?
Did anyone attempt to blame the animal?
Attribution assessment

Are you sure it was them?

Before continuing, confirm that you genuinely believe the person identified above produced the emission.

False attribution — including transferring responsibility for your own emission to an innocent third party — may constitute an aggravated reporting offence.

How confident are you?

FINAL ATTRIBUTION CHECK

We need to ask this again because Registry experience indicates that people become significantly less certain when personal liability is mentioned.

Are you absolutely sure it was him/her — and not you?

Declaration
REPORTER DECLARATION

By submitting this fictional report, you confirm that you are not knowingly using the Registry to settle a hedge dispute, parking dispute, family argument, workplace grudge or disagreement concerning bin placement.

Cross-referencing atmospheric records

Initialising third-party attribution review...

    THIRD-PARTY REPORT RECEIVED

    Report accepted for preliminary review

    Registry reference:

    Evidence classification: CIRCUMSTANTIAL

    The suspected individual has not been notified at this stage.

    Do not confront the suspected emitter.

    Evidential weighting notice

    Reports submitted out of revenge, boredom, property-boundary disputes or dissatisfaction with hedge maintenance may receive reduced evidential weighting.

    This is a satirical fictional reporting service. Form responses are processed only in your browser for the joke and are not submitted to the Global Fart Registry, because the Global Fart Registry does not exist. Yet.